Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   thinks life is like a rubix cube. Some people have the patience to solve it and the others just cheat to see how others do it

   There's a right time to mind; and a right time to nevermind......

   I almost forgot I cheated on my diet until my wife found panties in my truck!

   BBC News: "Web attacks on the rise."...........Must be Spiderman, the rascal!!

   A woman who thinks no man is good enough for her may be right.... But she is more often left.

   I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk

   The truth shall set ye free. But lying shall get ye a bunch of free sh*t.

   Studies show that four out of five poker players take drugs to keep awake and sharp at the table. The one that doesn't stay sharp is the one who shouts out "Go Fish!"

   I think that good friend is worth pursuing, but why would a good friend be running away?

   You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

   My ex-wife never cleaned anything but my bank account.

   We are exactly one year away from the release of Star Wars VII. #isthatightsaberinyourpocket

   I was born inteligent but facebook ruined me..

   Does anyone shoop anymore?

   Triskaidekaphobia = Fear of Triscuits

   Its safe to visit my FB page friends. That smell is now gone.

   Me, to wife: "I don't need a shopping list, I can remember." * Returns from grocery store with portrait of Abe Vigoda and a yak. *

   No guy named Larry was ever a baby. They actually walk out of their mothers womb with receding hairlines in sandals with socks

   Don't grow up... It's a trap, It's a trap. (read in Admiral Ackbar voice)

   Why does FB show me people I "may" know, LAWD these are ugly people, stop it!