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Going to go back in time and have sex with all the Golden Girls, and Angela Lansbery. 
just got a painting of David Carradine and I hung it in my closet.
Penn State University.......Pedophile U
You and your fat girlfriend standing next to each other looking like the number 10
................................................................U know when guys pee and they shake their pen!s for that last drop? ..............................................That's how much gas I got for 2 dollars.
A new drug has been developed for lesbi@ns with depression. It's called "Trycoxagain"
Q: why do military men wear uniforms at their weddings??.... A: to be prepared for "The Battle" afterwords...
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"Whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.” (Galatians 6:7)
Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond, by the end you will wish you had a club and a spade.
Did you hear about the cannibal who dumped his girlfriend?
Just saw a guy sitting with a Blackberry and a newspaper. I think he was waiting for a horse...
The Duck Dynasty guys need to to look in their beards, I'm sure there's a few ducks in them...
Do you ever wake up and just say "nope" and then roll over and go back to sleep
I'm just a regular guy, I boil my spaghetti one noodle at a time.
don’t pray when it rains if you don’t pray when the sun shines!!
I wish I was in a gang, I never know what to do with my hands when taking pictures.
LADIES: If your father is a poor man, it is your fate... But if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity!
Oven = Xbox for women.
I saw a girl with a belly ring. She must've weighed 400 lbs. That belly ring turned out to be a hitch. 