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Marriage is probably the most sincere way to tell somebody, "I want to smell every dump you take for the rest of your life." 
from the moment I saw u, I wanted 2b inside u, The way you smell, The way ur tongue feels, The way you tighten n loosen.....mmmm new shoes
thinks that if your relationship status says, "It's complicated" that you should stop kidding yourself and change it to "Single"
A "Sarah Palindrome" is a sentence that reads forwards, but sounds backwards.
..... 84-yr-old Hugh Hefner engaged to 23-yr-old Playmate. He proposed to her on X-mas which is appropriate since he's the same age as Jesus!
Fish can drownd if you pull them backwards in the water. Your welcome.
WARNING!! As of today - Facebook will automatically start dragging Earth into the Sun. To change this option, go to Settings > Planetary Settings > Trajectory then UNCLICK the box that says ' Apocalypse.' Facebook kept this one quite.
How do you make a hormone? Don't pay her.
I am risen today too... if it lasts for more than 4 hours, I need to go to the ER though.
Love is in the air...and i'm wearing a gas mask.
Atheists - 2 Harold Camping - 0
Hey! It's called facebook, a social networking site, NOT faithbook, a cram your religious beliefs down my throat site. Hiding!
Religion is a crutch for weak-minded people who can't accept reality
Am I being picky when I say "Please leave 'Christ' in Christmas"? I know it's a little thing, but, by writing 'X-mas' it seems to me that we are taking out the whole reason we even celebrate this holiday just to save a few key strokes . Just my opinion of
The bible is 100% accurate. Especially when thrown at close range
gunna dress up as kanye west for halloween and go around telling people " ima letchu get back to trick or treatin in a minute but, barrack obamas daughters have the best halloween costumes of all time, of all time!!!"
n't making any New Year's resolutions. I'm still working on the ones from 2003.
I wish I was made up of 5 midgets, like a human Voltron.
YAY! I just won Australia's Next Top Model.... no wait, they was a mistake? How could this happen?
I befriended Tom from Myspace on Facebook lol 