Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Hey Green Bay I bet your having a lot of W(H)INE with your cheese tonight.

   Dec. 4 1079 it was 91 deg. Was it Global Waring then too?

   I feel so blessed that the government protects my family and I from the dangers of gay marriage so we can safely go buy some assault weapons

   You can be gay, you can marry, I don't care about any of that. But just stop it with the "I was born that way" $hit!

   a man donates blood to his girlfriend. they break up. he says he wants his blood back. she throws a tampon at him and yells 'I'll pay you monthly!!'

   faking the smile with the coffee to go

   the weapon of choice.

   If you add me as your friend and I ignore you.....Do move on it's just facebook. Don't change your name and profile picture and add me again! The request will still be ignored! I still know it's you!

   the pill the second best thing a girl can put in her mouth to avoid pregnecy....

   If a person keeps they cereal in fridge they grew up wit roaches

   Business Plan: 1. Make a "FREE HUGS!" sign. 2. During the hug, whisper, "But it's $50 to let go." 3. Gently press a knife into their side.

   Facebook (FB) + Instagram (I) = FBI............."They" are watching you.

   The bipolar emoticon —> :):

   if it were black girls the show would be called 12 and pregnant.

   I have single handedly beaten my erection

   Marriage is probably the most sincere way to tell somebody, "I want to smell every dump you take for the rest of your life."

   from the moment I saw u, I wanted 2b inside u, The way you smell, The way ur tongue feels, The way you tighten n loosen.....mmmm new shoes

   thinks that if your relationship status says, "It's complicated" that you should stop kidding yourself and change it to "Single"

   A "Sarah Palindrome" is a sentence that reads forwards, but sounds backwards.

   ..... 84-yr-old Hugh Hefner engaged to 23-yr-old Playmate. He proposed to her on X-mas which is appropriate since he's the same age as Jesus!