Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I wonder if chickens ever wake up feeling foul?

   What's this g-mail? I just got used to e-mail. And why did they skip f-mail?

   COCAINE IS NATURE'S CAPS LOCK

   Here is a joke for all of the mind readers out there....

   I wished I had a Med-Alert bracelet....I've fallen off the fiscal cliff, and I can't reach my Jager-Bomb! ツ

   The most beautiful women are often the most insecure, so don't forget to treat them like garbage too once in a while.

   Say what you want about Lance Armstrong, buy I'm proud of him to finally having the ball to come clean.

   Every 3rd world country in the world has a soccer team. Heck, all you need is empty space and a ball.

   Batman had the bat signal. If you need to get my attention, hold a Roast Beef Sandwich over a floor lamp and aim it at my house .

   I'm allergic to alcohol. I break out in Sexyness and and in extreme cases nudity, walking pneumonia and the boogie woogie flu!

   When a guy tells you he's meat free, it's a safe bet he's also girlfriend free.

   Fast food restaurants are being forced to do away with their "Play Places" because it has become too expensive to employ the army of Structural Engineers required to keep up with the skyrocketing weight of today's children.

   wondering why hockey players are gotta be so effin' greedy!! Enough already.....

   This woman blowing me at the glory hole forgot to shave.

   My friend said, "Dude, i'm drunk, call me a cab." I handed him a beer and said, "You're a cab." (true story)

   What is gray and comes in quarts,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,an elephant

   Guys, when Adele goes "I heard that your dreams came true Guess she gave you things, I couldn't give to you" was it an@l? I bet it was an@l.

   Remember ladies, you can be anything you want, like a Doctor's nurse, a lawyer's clerk or the President of the US………..Shoppers Association.

   Today I saw a guy on a motorbike wipe out. Thank goodness I was there... or I wouldn't have been able to steal his wallet.

   My girl brought me breakfast in bed, I slowly turned to her and said, ?What are you doing out of the Kitchen??