Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   “Can someone call my daughter and find out if I should bomb Syria? She's very beautiful, you know."

   Rocket Man & Dotard meet in Nambia to avoid another bowling green massacre, Obama tapes the entire thing via microwave.

   Someone told me to check my White Privilege. I looked and said "Yep. Got it right here."

   The royal family has an opening for a prince and you better believe I’m sending out feelers.

   that March 20th inauguration happening? Anybody know? Anybody? I don't want to miss it again.

   Im going to get some crayons and puppets and teach you snowflakes how to vote so yo dont have to cry again in 4 years

   If they can't afford an extra $500 a year or $41 a month they shouldn't be buying a house. I guess another bailout like in 2013 of the FHA is more preferable. Taxpayers dont want to buy you another house which you will most likely default on.

   children today have no idea what a game-changer smart phones and internet are. When I was a kid it was almost impossible to find nude photos of the First Lady.

   I discovered a new hidden talent, making women cry.

   I live in South Africa & you do not find elephants on the street

   Man am I tired, it's time to pretend I'm an air traffic controler...

   Arriving to an event in a Hummer limo is a great way to let everyone know you have herpes.

   I find my kitchen sink stays much cleaner by washing my dishes in the toilet. When did you say you wanted to come over for dinner?

   that awkward moment when your sisters new boyfriend is sitting on the porch and doesn't realize my WHOLE family was watching him when he wiped his booger on the front porch!

   So the name of the show will now be One and a Half Men and a Douche?

   Hey there, I'm your hopes and dreams, I won't be around for long so lemme make this quick. I am being destroyed by everyone. Mostly the president. And shake-weight.

   The new facebook photo viewer is so Biebish!

   wondering who paid $40000 for a lock of Justin biebers hair. Maybe a paedophile wants to use the DNA to clone him.

   Trying to forget someone who once beat the crap out of you is like trying to remember someone you never met

   Life without bears would be unbearable‏