Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon I wish there were no women football announcers. Isn't there a badminton channel they can get a gig with?
←Rate | 11-18-2016 09:38 by Sheezatayhay Comments (0)  


   messageicon Secret Service laptop with highly sensitive information on it has been stolen, Kellyanne Conway blames her microwave.
←Rate | 03-19-2017 16:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon BREAKING: Vladimir Putin gives Devin Nunes an 'attaboy.'
←Rate | 03-24-2017 04:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love sitting with her at night, holding hands, imagining life without her.
←Rate | 10-24-2012 14:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A good and funny punishment for any man who hits a woman is to be thrown in a cage full of hungry lionesses. Those b itches don't play.
←Rate | 11-04-2012 10:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're undecided...vote for the one that held the most babies...
←Rate | 11-06-2012 09:08 by JEBI Comments (0)  


   messageicon if Big Foot's actually existed don't you think someone would've found a skeleton by now??
←Rate | 11-08-2012 17:20 Comments (1)  


   messageicon We have 187 friends in common and I still have no idea who you are...
←Rate | 11-16-2012 11:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Oh crap... you said laser tag? I thought it was taser tag. Well hopefully that kid wakes up soon... sorry about that.
←Rate | 11-22-2012 15:03 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon im gonna be late for work tomorrow!!! if they ask why I'm late.. I'll tell them... last night I realized that my family was a priority. so I woke up them up and we chilled.
←Rate | 12-08-2012 04:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It takes many nails to build a crib, but just one screw to fill it.
←Rate | 12-12-2012 21:35 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife said I have to stop watching Chopped after I packed our son's lunchbox with wild ostrich, candy corn, avocado & rainbow chard.
←Rate | 08-03-2012 14:09 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon So what your saying Chick-Fil-A, you will not be sponsoring Men's Olympic Racewalking.
←Rate | 08-04-2012 12:07 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's a difference between leaving her unsatisfied and hungry for more.
←Rate | 08-16-2012 19:08 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon apparently just having one of those days....tonight is definitely going to be sponsored by Coors light!!
←Rate | 08-22-2012 19:23 by CJ Comments (0)  


   messageicon How to you make a dish washer into a snow blower? Give the woman a shovel
←Rate | 12-28-2012 16:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I asked her out and she said yes, but sadly I ended up going on a date with her expectations.
←Rate | 09-18-2012 14:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do I look fat in this? Could you just shut up while I'm having sex with you.
←Rate | 09-19-2012 10:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't want a girlfriend because the only thing worse than being lonely is sharing food.
←Rate | 09-25-2012 02:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Oh, you're gonna eat the peach cobbler first??,, huh fatty??,,,,, You sicken me." - Mean Cuisine
←Rate | 10-04-2012 16:52 by snotty Comments (0)  



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