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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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I wish there were no women football announcers. Isn't there a badminton channel they can get a gig with?
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11-18-2016 09:38 by
Sheezatayhay
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Secret Service laptop with highly sensitive information on it has been stolen, Kellyanne Conway blames her microwave.
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03-19-2017 16:26
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BREAKING: Vladimir Putin gives Devin Nunes an 'attaboy.'
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03-24-2017 04:46
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I love sitting with her at night, holding hands, imagining life without her.
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10-24-2012 14:26
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A good and funny punishment for any man who hits a woman is to be thrown in a cage full of hungry lionesses. Those b itches don't play.
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11-04-2012 10:20
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If you're undecided...vote for the one that held the most babies...
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11-06-2012 09:08 by
JEBI
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if Big Foot's actually existed don't you think someone would've found a skeleton by now??
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11-08-2012 17:20
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We have 187 friends in common and I still have no idea who you are...
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11-16-2012 11:39
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Oh crap... you said laser tag? I thought it was taser tag. Well hopefully that kid wakes up soon... sorry about that.
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11-22-2012 15:03 by
Marshall the Great
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im gonna be late for work tomorrow!!! if they ask why I'm late.. I'll tell them... last night I realized that my family was a priority. so I woke up them up and we chilled.
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12-08-2012 04:03
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It takes many nails to build a crib, but just one screw to fill it.
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12-12-2012 21:35 by
StonerDudee
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My wife said I have to stop watching Chopped after I packed our son's lunchbox with wild ostrich, candy corn, avocado & rainbow chard.
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08-03-2012 14:09 by
snotty
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So what your saying Chick-Fil-A, you will not be sponsoring Men's Olympic Racewalking.
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08-04-2012 12:07 by
Doc Noland
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There's a difference between leaving her unsatisfied and hungry for more.
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08-16-2012 19:08 by
Marshall the Great
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apparently just having one of those days....tonight is definitely going to be sponsored by Coors light!!
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08-22-2012 19:23 by
CJ
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How to you make a dish washer into a snow blower? Give the woman a shovel
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12-28-2012 16:54
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I asked her out and she said yes, but sadly I ended up going on a date with her expectations.
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09-18-2012 14:08
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Do I look fat in this? Could you just shut up while I'm having sex with you.
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09-19-2012 10:49
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I don't want a girlfriend because the only thing worse than being lonely is sharing food.
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09-25-2012 02:53
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"Oh, you're gonna eat the peach cobbler first??,, huh fatty??,,,,, You sicken me." - Mean Cuisine
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10-04-2012 16:52 by
snotty
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