Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   How much for the antidepressants? Ma'am those are puppies.

   If he looks unhappy, make him bacon, rub his belly, and break out the rubber toys. Dogs love that $h!t.

   I've been waking up with a headache for years Unfortunately I'm married to it.

   I often wonder about people who say : Feels like I am wearing a diaper. I am curious is that something they practice in private. . .

   My last girlfriend said I was too immature. She dumped me during a game of hide and seek I forced her to play. I searched for days.

   Online classes are just a way to get people to go to class without wearing pants.

   From the government shut down we’re getting to the fact that we need small scale minds in government like a fish needs a bicycle.

   The look you give to someone who is naked is a lot different from the look you give them with clothes on. . .

   I heard the Buffalo Bills are selling a new item.....Player numbered hospital gowns.....

   The government shut down? And no one even noticed...

   The hardest thing in the world to understand is NOT women, its income tax

   Sharks and children, both can sense fear and weakness.

   Giraffe neck with a Grumpy Cat head - funniest one I've seen so far!

   Mr. Reynolds has apparently changed his name to Turd Ferguson.

   Saturday night is my favorite time of the year.

   I think its safe to say we can blame every unsolved murder on adults that collect action figures.

   Other people: Wow what a perfect morning for a run! Me: Wow what a perfect morning to go the hell back to sleep.

   I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure and that I'd want it if there was...

   Sick and tired of the Dr. Phil test!!! BTW, I scored a 47.

   I'm at my most interracial when I'm blasting Maroon 5 from my headphones and sagging my pants.