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Seeing how Iron Man and Batman are only really smart and super rich, I'm really disappointed with Bill Gates. 
Did you know that you gotta fight for your right to party?
Please support our non-profit organization for terminally I'll witnesses and informers, Snitches Get Wishes.
I respect you. I'm just not IN respect with you.
I was at the pool and I thought I would try and get away with a sneaky wee in the deep end. The lifeguard must have noticed because he blew his whistle so frigging loud I nearly fell in,!!
There are so many scams on Facebook now... Send me $19.95 and I will tell you how to avoid them.
Mondays are God's punishment for what you did during the weekend ...
Got a flannel shirt for the 9th Fathers Day in a row... Thanks honey, cant wait to see what you get me next year!
Thanks to Bo-flex, I've gone from 'obese' to 'prefer not to say' on my plenty of fish account!
hates it when I get a chain letter/email and I die the next day.
Just saw the neighbor's little kid trying to put some whipped cream on his pet cat. I'm thinking he overheard something last night he wasn't supposed to
The people of England paid a heavenly price for the wedding of Cap'n Crunch ,. and didnt even get a lousy t-shirt...
I can't remember where I put my xanex
...all this talk about eating disorders is making me hungry
Why are people always trying to get into shape?? Round is a shape!
iWon't make any lame Steve Jobs jokes
more proof that hot chicks can get away with murder
so many potential future ex girlfirends, so little time.
just a thought... practice what you preach!!!
Fool people into thinking you actually go outside by updating your Facebook status via your mobile phone 