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Rihanna and Miley Cyrus could learn a great deal from other female musicians who don’t need to be naked to sell their music like Justin Bieber! 
So apparently if you throw leftover cooked rice instead of uncooked rice at the bride during a wedding, you ruin her special day. Who knew.
I question guys right in the middle of sex, like: 'Are you enjoying this? Have I been courteous & kind? Would you recommend me to a friend if we ever break up?'
My number is #0. Which is good 'cause I'm from [insert home town] and you probably know it already
I hate when I put food in the microwave and it starts makin explosive noises so I check and it's cold. Like why you gotta play me like that
It's hard to get positive here for Nelson Mandela jokes, I guess you all were born in South Africa!
A fox can only sound like that if you kick it in the balls. . .
As I get off the rollercoaster that was 2013, I step into the elevator that is 2014, and press up. Sounds good on paper, anyway....lol
Some people's Twitter and Facebook updates are like a china shop filled with wrestlers battling over all its contents; you can find nothing worthwhile to read yet. Please learn something before updating and making fun of yourself.
If your manhood has become a bit green, floppy and scaly. you could be suffering from a reptile dysfunction.
So now that she's dead, we can start putting booze in her drink. Right?
Man is a rope stretched between the animal and the Superman.
Did you guys hear about the new restaurant that's opened on the moon? Apparently the food is great but there's no atmosphere......
Have nothing against people from other countries. But one thing is for sure. they do not know how to drive in the U.S. no turn signal, no turn on red, ect...
238 years ago today, Thomas Jefferson wrote the ultimate breakup letter. You mad Britain? Merica.
Solar flares...Thanks Obamacare
Keep your friends close, your enemies close, aliens not so close, ghosts close, snakes close, skeletons close, everything just in a big pile
What do you mean you don't know what Care Bear would win in a fist fight? Get off me, this sex is over.
OK, I can understand why you're mad at me but the horse I rode in on had nothing to do with it.
I'm at my neighbor's house having the most delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home! 