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I have to laugh, so Facebook is now correcting our errors with red squiggly lines, yet spelling Facebook they way they do is wrong? 
"I always try to go the extra mile for my customers" - New York City's most hated cab driver
Just work up from a well deserved nap. Now, I'm well rested to watch some TV once I get home from work.
This Weekend Me And Some Friends Doing A Reenactment Of The Movie "Hang Over"
Just tried to make a sweet & adorable YouTube video of my cats, but the project fell apart due to creative differences
wondering if fat drug dealers sell diet coke
people who make the wrong thing always complain about everything and everybody!
After seeing Nancy Grace's nipple slip on Dancing With The Stars....I must say I will never eat bologna again!! Thanks alot Nancy!!
shouldn't *India* be the country that celebrates Columbus Day? Think of all the syphilis they avoided because that dude could not navigate his way out of a kiddie pool.
To do list for the day: Hate self, love self, hate self, love self. Lunch. Hate self.
The most annoying thing is when you get a pimple on your nose, like I would rather get a pimple any where else but...
Sticking a tongue out is kids' way of giving someone the middle-finger.
will shoot at me or that I might drive over a bomb in the road today! Thanks to all who serve.
A little slower please, pedestrian crossing the street. I don't really like making the green light anyway.
I believe the stud finder is the most self-esteem raising carpentry tool
If its any consolation, I didn't get lucky last night either.
at the next awards' show, Lady Gaga will begin her performance by being squeezed from a cow's udders
I'm not as dumb as you look!
...You cannot predict how people think because even cows cross the road in the pale moonlight
Don't get mad when I don't do what you would have done, your rules don't apply to everyone else. 