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I'm so sick of all these Happy videos that I am really starting to get depressed. 
Young man, does your mother know you ask girls for nudes on social media?
My order says "Family Meal". And I say, "I am a family of one"
No thanks body wraps. If I thought magic would help me lose weight, I'd eat a wizard.
Nothing says you have been friend-zoned for life like when she invites you to her wedding.
I can't decided if I'd rather see him naked or on fire. Is that love?
At what age does stupidity wear off?
I blame this winter weather on Idina Menzel.....
Tried to do my facebook movie and just got a message telling me it had been nominated for a Razzie Award.
Don't you mean it's Jay's finale, finale Tonight Show NBC?
So, I take it mushrooms are acceptably the norm in Russia... Well played Olympics
myself. Sometimes I get ahead of
Happy Valentine's Day...this statement just costs me $1.50 per word...thanks Hallmark Card store...
Valentine Day weekend is over. I think Helen Keller plays the role of cupid in my love life.
Before facebook, I use to wait about a week for Walgreens to develop my pictures, to show my friends how good I lok in the Bathroom
Fellaz; there is a way to check out women without them knowing it. Learn it.
I bet that Magneto guy in X-Men has the best collection of fridge magnets.
happy sperm donor day
hey dad, thanks for using a cheap condom...mom did the rest of the work
Growing up means not asking for advice you're not going to take. 