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texting Buffy her next victim...EDWARD 
so far, this is the oldest I've ever been
Women beg for love wit sex and guys beg for sex wit love.
If you didn't have all this money, I'd still love you..and miss you very much.
Life and Wife are two words that rhyme, but if you have one, you can't have the other!
decided to go on a Light Diet....whenever there's light...I eat.
DNA Tests today confirmed danny devito is arnolds love child..
I have more friends on Facebook then I do for real
so who wants to take bets on a William and Kate sex tape scandal by the end of the year?
There's a reminder on my calendar for tomorrow that inexplicably just says "LEOPARD". This has been bothering me all month.
Love doesn't cost a thing... except tears, a broken heart, wasted time, and half ur sh!t.
They always say never work with animals or kids, this is especially true in porn. :/
Seeking one-night stand... Possibly 2 because I have two lamps.
I'd prefer to believe in Scientology rather than that stupid Q conspiracy.
it wrong to write, "He owed me $50" in the funeral guest book?
My wife thinks I’m crazy. But I’m not the one who married me.
"STOP LAUGHING AT US!" - Americans to the rest of the world
Everyone is afraid for their lives, but I guess only cops can use it as a defense.
Scott Baio speaks at the GOP convention on Monday and the creator of Happy Days dies on Tuesday. Coincidence? I think not.
I nominate everyone for the vodka bucket challenge. 