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I can’t believe it’s already bank collapse season… I still have my train derailment decorations up. 
Now that Biden won, watch me not wear his name on a hat or fly his flag on my lawn for 4 years like a f**kin weirdo.
That uneasy moment when you realise Facebook has made more CHANGES than OBAMA.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
DON'T put a question mark where GOD has put a period. ;)
COVID is going to be an excuse for horrible restaurant service for years to come.
never on schedule, but always on time. Ah the old days.
Roses are Red, Nuts are brown, Skirts go Up, Pants go Down, Body to Body, Skin to Skin, When it is Stiff, Stick it In, The Longer its In, The stronger it Gets, It goes in Dry, Comes out Wet, It comes out dripping,and it starts to Sag, Its a teabag
It's Mardi Gras and International Women's Day. Now, which one of you b*tches wants to earn some beads?
I don't have to thank noone for Friday because its a natural phenomenon controlled by nobody but nature.
Just wanna do something crazy right now, like run naked through the sprinklers, or vote for Obama!
50% of Students get a job after college? Oh wait if you voted for Obama you didn't go to college....my bad
living vicariously through herself.
He said " I dont know why you were a bra, you have nothing to put in it." She says "Well you wear pants dont you?"
why does snoop dogg carry around an umbrella... --fo drizzle!
I feel confident that Laim Neeson would be there for me if I listed him as my emergency contact.
I hate when I'm at a restaurant, and they ask me, "Would you like a table?" , "No not all all, I came here to eat on the floor B!@tch!!!"....."Carpet for 3 Please!
Duck Tales should be the replacement for Duck Dynasty-Huey, Dewy, and Louie only had one McQuack!
Searchers of the missing Malaysian plane have found the Wings, Mr & Mrs Wing say they don't know where the plane is though!
♪ ♫ ♩♩ ♬ On the 12th Day of Christmas my Facebook gave to me, 12 relatives I'm blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny updates, 9 "in relationship to single, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites 