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God's busy. Can I help you? 
That akward moment when you actually see a chiken crossing the road..
what do ducks do when they fly upside down? They quack up!!
good girls may go to heaven but bad girls take you there
Monday morning is a slap in the face to wake us up from our weekend daydream.
I Remember one christmas when I woke up to see my mom helping santa with his zipper.. jolly old santa.
Advertising has taught me that hair conditioner makes you move in slow motion.
I feel like Eminem right now. Not because I'm rapping but because I have vomit on my sweater already...moms spaghetti
I just want to play cards with a priest so I can say... Forgive me father for I have ginned
Went for a horse ride today...horse wouldn't stop, just kept going out of control...luckily the store clerk unplugged it before I fell off!
I feel bad for those inner city kids that are too fat to dance their way out of the hood
lowercase letters: just like UPPERCASE letters, but without all the demand for attention
Casey Anthony referred to her computer as "something I can call mine". OMG!! That means she's going to kill her computer next, not the dog.....
Damn, I was way off. Turns out Alien vs Predator isn't about an illegal immigrant fighting a child molester.
Rather than waste money going to strip clubs I can save it by just staying here on Facebook and watch some sluts' profile pics.
two muffins are sitting in an oven, one turns to the other and says "damn sure is hot in here isn't it?" the other muffin turns and screams "HOLY SHIT A TALKING MUFFIN!!"
Necrophilia: because there's nothing like cracking open a cold one.
Fries, Chips...whatever you wish to call them, we Americans at least have teeth to eat them with. ... Say what .... Have you been to walmart lately ?
Who is Kim jong ......Wasnt that an 80s song?.......Everybody kim jong tonight........
In honor of Christine O'Donnell, I am designating November as Lack of Awareness Awareness Month. 