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¡¡¡ƃuılıǝɔ ƃuıʞɔ*ɟ ʎɯ ɟɟo ʇǝƃ `lǝuoıl ʎǝɥ 
..crossword puzzles always remind her of her arguments with her exes. One word leads to another...
If Facebook is running slower than my brain before breakfast, they should probably fix the problem asap.
mutilating a Foreigner song, just to be an a$$. "He's a juice box hero, with straws in his eyes!"
One of these days I'm going to run in to this Murphy dude who insists on making these messed up laws... and he's going to get knocked the F out!!!!
It said in the paper 'Sex pest wanted by Police', I rang up to see what the hours were
Never weed wack poison ivy in the nude.
Rock breaks scissors. But paper covers rock, and scissors cut paper! We have a conundrum. Search for paper... and bring me a rock.
there anybody else alive out there!?.. is that a No? If no one answers then I'm just gonna assume that's a "No" and that I can walk the street to a local gas station at 2:00 AM completley naked..."
I was just asked to touch base with a female co-worker on a project. I hope it's 2nd base...
I'm so confused, I thought the Crip Walk was a marathon for gang members
Erectile disfunction commercials make watching TV with your parents akward!!!
I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.
Why is it I always get on an airplane to ultimately get seated between someone that doesn't believe in deodorant and someone that weighs 300lbs? This is why people hate flying
I explained to the doctor, "Whenever I harvest our cornfields, I get a really bad headache." "It's a migraine," he explained. "No, it's not, it's mine - and why the hell have you started speaking Italian?"
Dear BP CEO: You can have your life back as soon as you fix that pipe.
enjoying a stiff one. A stiff drink, you dirty-minded people!
Went to go check my Mega Millions ticket and got pissed off because the clerk sold me a Powerball ticket instead. Oh well I guess I'll just fantasize about winning 34 million now instead.
Bill Brasky once showed me a video of him making love to my wife, and it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw!
I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can't figure out who's going to do it. 