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the band Nine Inch Nails should change their name to 'No Amount of Toilet Paper Helps' 
If you need more instructions, please refer to the users manual, or put your hands together, bow your head and contact tech support!
What would have happened if Libya's main export product was broccoli?
Sunglasses; they allow you to stare at people without being caught..
This is your status on the old FB. ʞooqǝɔɐɟ ʍǝu ǝɥʇ uo snʇɐʇs ɹnoʎ sı sıɥʇ....Any questions?
RIP Steve Jobs. Thanks for making the apple more than just afruit.
According to the Virgin mobile commercials I have a stalker that loves to watch me sleep and hide in my closet...
I called the geek squad and they asked"what were you doing when you caught the virus?"I say"well I wasn't reading the Bible online geek!
When you told me you wanted me, I totally should have gone for it....I miss my stalker :-(
Looks like bin laden picked the wrong day to try on his British army gear...
My life must be a circus. My family expects me to jump through hoops, the people I work with are clowns, I'm juggling career and personal life, and the whole darn thing is a balancing act!
Keep looking my way, My head is held high! You wanna bring me down? I dare you to try!
just saw George Washington advertised for deadliest warriors I think they're running out of warriors
If I see one more picture of how many degrees your vehicle says it is outisde...
My girl and I are like oil and vinegar. We have to shake things up to make it work.
A dentist married a manicurist, They fought tooth and nail.
Would buy a big dog and pay a midget to ride it
I'm seeing alot of lesbian couples with kids. This tells me that men needa start making better fathers than women. Quit slackin fellas.
Admit It, At least once in your Life, You Have Tried To Squeeze your eyes Shut and Shoot Lasers Out of them With Intense Concentration.
Hurricane Irene threatens the East Coast of USA. If MTV won't cancel Jersey Shore, God will. 