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it's canada day, so to all my canadian followers out there I say, "happy fourth of july in three days." 
does every dollar store smell weired and stuffy or its just me?
had gay robbers last night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture
wants Angelina to adopt her so she can call Brad daddy...
I was born cool, but the global warming made me hot
The only phrase I remember growing up was, "Don't put your hands back there!".
DO NOT breathe in my face, if you can't handle the truth........."Hey, does my breath smell like tacos?"..."Did you have chicken sh!t tacos?"..."No?!?"..."Well then, your breath does NOT smell like tacos..."
Honestly.... I really do care where and when you workout
Window shopping is a pane.
Ass, Gas or Grass works on all hitchhikers until you see that 250 pound fat chick holding a full gas can with a doobie in her mouth and her thumb out...Keep driving! Keep driving!
They should have one Facebook for True Friends "Two Face"book for the Rest!! Just Sayin
Finally they managed to fix the oil leak and I haven't heard of Justin Bieber lately. Are you thinking what I'am thinking?
the 11th commandment; Thou shalt not mess with Leroy Jethro Gibbs
Came home & my girlfriend had on my favorite thong. Needless to say I dumped her. No one wears my clothes and gets away with it
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
loading weekend… ██████████ 80% complete - (for Thursdays)
wonders..... are Kanye West's 15 minutes are up yet?
may get her mink out tonight. It's time.
having a bad day. the sidewalk tripped me, the wall ran into me and I got hit by a parked car. could my day get any worse? :)
looking for my SHAKE-WEIGHT, so I can work off all this FOOD!!! 