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Relationships are like fat people. Most of them don’t work out. 
P.U.S.S.Y - Push Until She Screams Yesssss!!
I had two naps today but every time I wake up I'm still at work.
And just like that, people on Facebook went from being politicians to being epidemiologists.
From now on I'm boycotting Shampoo....I demand REALPoo!!!!
(With French accent) Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
There are two types of girls in the world: my mom and sluts...
Twinkle twinkle is stupid sh!t, so can you please stop posting it
I'm watching for anyone complaining about the heat. I will copy your post and save it for winter. Then I WILL paste it to your profile with WHO IS HOT NOW when you are buried snow. OH you know who you are!
Fat Girls are good for two things. Heat in the cold and shade in the heat
Sarah Palin was paid 75,000 dollars for a speech at a California university last week. That works out to be about 25,000 dollars per coherent sentence.
Got caught jerking off while sniffing my friends sister's panties yesterday.... Wouldn't have been so bad but she was still wearing them at the time. He went f*cking ballistic! Made the rest of her funeral very awkward for both of us.
I heard ove a million people attended Obamas inauguration and only 14 of them missed work!
My bad, I heard Bush's new book was called 41. It is about his Dad, not his IQ.
Fort Hood suffers tradegy again. Perhaps they should change it to Fort Suburbs.
a World Cup soccer game is like watching a bunch of nerds in a night club... A bunch of guys trying their best, and nobody scores...
Tonight, because of the presidents speech, me and the family of 13 have now converted to democrats.
Snow on da ground.... Snow on da ground... drivin' like a fool when there's snow on da ground....look at ya now... car spinning 'round.... drivin' like a fool when there's snow on da ground...
coming to a theater near you!
Female driving instructors... The equivalent of a blind person teaching kids to read. 