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told my son today, "I believe every single word you say. It's when you put them together to form a sentence that I have an issue!" 
My girlfriend got f**ked by a clown before we dated. So I have some pretty big shoes to fill.
wonders...if a cow gets struck by lightning, is that fast food?
After countless days of research I have solved the mystery.....When Santa says HO! HO! HO!...He is thinking of last name of his 3 favorite naughty sisters...Ima, Ivana, and Anita...
I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
has hired a secretary for complaints. If you have a complaint go to Helen Wait.
im not conceited,im just simply aware if how sexy I am!!
If they can send one man to the moon why can't they send them all?
❒ Single. ❒ Taken. ✔ Helping Mario get his biatch Peach back!
I ain't sayin she's a gold digger, but she ain't messing with no broke white guy who's afraid to finish the rest of this lyric.
Sometimes I think the human race would benefit greatly from natural selection (survival of the fittest).
Why does Rick Ross rap about cars he can't fit into
You call it "stalking"... I call it "giving you the attention you deserve"...
My wife got a "mood ring" that turns green when she's happy,, and leaves a big red mark on my forehead when she's mad.
either I'm not feeling to well or I just sat on a whoopie cushion full of beef gravy!
people who criticize today's song lyrics never listened to Blinded by the Light...
Every time I go grocery shopping, I ask myself what would Jesus buy. This explains my cart full of wine bottles.
Hot chocolate is just normal chocolate that has a modeling career.
has never been able to watch Finding Nemo all the way through in one sitting due to it's frequent use of the "N" word.
The speed in which a woman says "nothing" when asked "what's wrong" is proportional to the severity of the storm that's coming. 