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I've always wondered who it is that the generic, singing fat lady uses as an measure of execution when she has to get her own things done. 
It is impossible for me to take the separatist strife in the Philippines seriously when the leading paramilitary organization goes by MILF
I had a couple of those drinks last night called Mind Erasers. They must have done the trick because I can't remember anything from 1 am till just now!
Ok... the first little fat flying dude that comes near me with a bow and arrow is gonna get smacked with a fly swatter...
Just gave a squirrel some of his nuts
Having my doubts about this dehydrated water that I bought off Craigslist for the plastic plants in my office..............
Signs you are getting old: My friend was asked last week how she can sleep so early at night, and answered, "an eyemask." The person who asked wanted to know how an iMask worked.
The NEW Black Panthers? what happened to the OLD Black Panters.?
Next Election campaign should be "real change" the one after it should be "seriously change"
The only thing I don't like about fat is that it doesn't have any sugar in it.
Just burped a raptor call..
When life becomes boring it simply mean you're not living it right.
I hope with all of the cool technology they're getting from that crashed UFO in Area 51 that one day scientists will be able to develop reversible socks without the annoying seam in the toe.
I got accepted into my freinds "Recipie Exchange" here on facebook. I'm gonna start posting lots of pictures of Road Kill for my ingredients!
Where are all these hot women in actual real life that I see on facebook?
There is always a lesson to be learned from every mistake. What is that lesson? That you are a failure.
I was pretty pissed about the fake iPhone5 too though...
I got 99 problems and they are all female.
Gynecologists work at the gap.
I'm a murderer, I killed my old self. 