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there are three kinds of people in this world. those who can count...and those who can't! 
just won $10 on a scratch off lottery ticket...that's right, I'm rich.
thinks it's odd that people justify deer heads on their walls by saying they're beautiful animals. Hmmm.... I think my wife is beautiful.
Never treat someone like an iPhone when they treat you like a BlackBerry.
I find nothing more frightening or upsetting than someone saying to me those "three special words"..."Welcome To Tennessee."
True irony: Getting a girl pregnant on a pull out couch.
"SWAG" LOL....I love to know where words originate from and in the 1960's a group of men came up with the term "SWAG"....it's meaning Secretly We Are G@y!! True story!! So go get your SWAG on and please post on FB everytime you do so I can laugh at you!!
Or your a photographer now.. Where'd you go Instagram University?
Well it's official, after all these years of training, I am currently tied with lance Armstrong in tour de France victories
Taco Bell at 3 in the morning = runny doo doo at 9 in the morning
I don't do kings and I don't support inbreeding.
Before 2012 it was dave chappelle here. Now it's like conan o'brien.
How do you find Will Smith in a snow storm? You look for fresh prints.
If your girlfriend starts smoking slow down and use a lubricant
After all the whinning and complaining about Obama... Is this the best the GOP has to offer?? PATHETIC! Get ready for another socialist 4 years, next time propose or attempt to compromise,
I think Facebook should have a status limit per day. This is not Twitter, shut the f*ck up, nobody cares.
Touching The Sun, Kissing The Rain and Tasting The Motherfu**in' Rainbow !!!
Live, Laugh, Love, Lesbians, :)
Obama leans toward believing scientists before god. Any country acknowledging science before any god is a winner in my opinion.
Maybe now that we’ve kept Joe busy writing his name for a week, we should move onto shapes and colors. 