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The law says I can't drive with an open container, but it says nothing about jello shots! 
just added a guy on facebook named "emon", just so I could Poke Emon
. Scientists have just discovered something that can do the work of five men ... woman
I love getting all these "you are soo funny"!" You make me laugh so much!!" Yeah well I can make you moan also status king blah
how do you lose a war against a country that is not even formed yet? I do not know but just ask a Brit.
wondering what to do for valentines day......... other than get drunk and listen to Joy Division while engaging in auto erotic asphyxiation to a discovery channel documentary regarding the breeding habits of the Fiordland Crested Penguin.
I want to make a Facebook account and the name will be Nobody so when I see stupid crap people post, I can Like it. And it will say Nobody Likes This.
Top 5 causes of loose stools: 5. Indian food 4. Lactose 3. Coffee 2. Mexican food 1. IKEA
rσsєs αrє rєd, víσlєts αrє вluє. díd чσu αctuαllч thínk í'd crч σvєr чσu? í tσld чσu í lσvєd чσu, чσu вєlíєvєd ít wαs truє. guєss whαt вαвч? чσu gσt plαчєd tσσ.♥
My girlfriend just caught me blow-drying my pennis and asked me what was I doing.....Apparently, "heating your dinner!" was not a good answer!
It's called PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
Honestly, we should be thanking North Korea from wasting our time on another awful Seth Rogen movie.
Facebook and Twitter are no different than commun¡st countries who control the media. Although they aren't government entities, they still have far reaching influence due to their sizable presence.
in the process of becoming a Mexican Citizen, so I can sneak back into the States and get better health coverage, financial aid, a tax free paying job, cheaper housing and all the other glorious benefits that we give out illegal immigrants.
surrounded by incompetence.
Little known fact: George Zimmerman is as white as Barack Hussein Obama
My daughter came home from school and said that a boy showed her his pen!s. She said it reminded her of a peanut. I said, "Why, was it small? She said, "No, it was salty."
Here's a bit of advice for you....ADVI
That akward moment when you're texting someone and they end the conversation with a smiley face instead of "lol" and you don't know what to put back...
I said no to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen. 