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Man found hanged in his flat, 8 years after committing suicide. Sort of proves his point, really 
Governor Chris Christie ran his pie hole for 2 hours, that explains the warmer weather!
Anytime a bird takes a crap on my car, I eat an entire plate of scrambled eggs on my porch. Just to show the birds what I'm capable of.
Sorry that Ruth Bader Ginsburg clocked out. But the bright spot is we get to see a white funeral for a change.
I think when you get your photo taken for your driver’s license they should squirt you in the face with a water gun. Then your picture will have that annoyed and upset look to match when the cop pulls you over
i have nothing against god, it's just his fan club that i'm against
Obama, I voted for you. I stay open minded on your views about education and health care even though I don't agree with everything. I am american and you're my president. Dude, you mess with my Xbox and iphone and that's it! You're off my friends list!
Once you go Bl@ck you never go back. I sure hope that isn't the case with the President
two wrongs don't make a right... but two Wrights make an airplane!
Everyone don't forget to get out and vote. Tell all of your friends too. Republicans on Tuesday and Democrats on Wednesday.
"I Hate or Can't Stand Drama" is translation for "I'm gonna be the first one to cause all the Drama Tonight, just thought I would give you the heads up!"
very special day today... just for atheists... Happy Fool's Day!!
Bin Laden's wife has just changed her FB staus to single
Very opposed to the Ground Zero Mosque but only cuz I think we need a Ground Zero Chick-Fil-A first.
I once dated a girl who's right leg was slightly longer than her left....I really do miss Eileen.
If you leave your pets in the car with the windows rolled up, be sure to stop by the parking lot every 30 minutes or so to baste them...
don't go for looks; looks can deceive. don't go for wealth; that can fade. go for the one who puts a smile on your face because a smile can make a dark day seem bright
Casinos,steaks,universities,a brand of Vodka and now our country. Open your eyes people.
Kony 2012. Great another Republican is joining the race for president.
"You the bomb" "No, you the bomb" - A compliment in America. An argument in the middle east. 