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to all my friends who wished me happy birthday today, thank you! You've really made me smile. Especially cause it wasn't really my birthday. Happy April Fools! :) 
did NOT wake up this morning feeling like P. Diddy. :-(
that happy feeling you get when you see your bus coming.
You should worry less about hurting me and more about how you're hurting yourself by missing out on me.
Likes cooking just to see how fast fire trucks can really go
When people go camping. are they practicing being homeless,lol?
You've been rejected more times than the Chinese guy that stands in the mall food court trying to hand out samples of bourbon chicken.
How do you say "virgin" in Dutch? Goodentight.
She's not a ‘stop-along-the-way' She's my destination.
Aah cute! A little spider crawling on my screen...RIP little one
She keeps complaining that I always do her with socks on.. I suppose wearing a condom would be better...
Some people don't need an "Easy" button, they need a "STFU" button.
I just gave Gatorade to my neighbor's horse...it's been running in circles for 2 hours
I'll date anyone who isn't an idiot, hints the reason I'm still single.
Don't you think it's time we stopped blaming our problems on people in our past and started blaming them on people in the future?
Hang on sugar.... Daddys got a sweet tooth tongiht!!!
Don't you just hate it when people think there clever but use the wrong grammar?
Taking a test at school: My answer is Yes. If yes please explain...my answer is No
The sex was getting really hot...until he pulled out his Yoda pillow...
I never feel my day is complete, until one of my fb friends is having a worse day than I. Even if I have to be the cause of it. 