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"I'm just sayin. It'd be better without the raisins." ------[ Everything with raisins ] 
Happy Hump Day means zip to the 15% who work weekends, the 30% who do six days a week, 8% unemployed, 10% disabled, 15% on call, and the 20% who are retired. To the 2% that this actually applies to....bl0w me.
Girls: All guys are a*seholes!. Me: Nooo they're not, I'm right here!!!! :(
All stick figure people are black and all of the family stickers on peoples cars are white
I can't believe I was late for work tomorrow.
It was so cute when you called me last night... LOL JK, don`t you ever interrupt my sleep again.
In 5 years there will be no such thing as a baby gender - scan? You'll have to wait until it's 10 years old for it to tell you if it's a boy or a girl!
it me or does Lester Holts look like a Bigfoot?
I just need you to find me 100 upvotes! I can't stand losing, and I'll try anything to win!
Going to the army navy game doesn't count as visting the troops.
Nothing says "HI I'M GUILTY BUT I HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO PAY MY WAY OUT" like settling your rape case for $850,000
SIERRA, ECHO ,NOVEMBER,DELTA NOVEMBER UNIFORM DELTA ECHO SIERRA .
During the election Syria financialy supported 2 groups... 1SlS and the Clinton campaign.
Waiting for the release of the blockbuster sequel "The Art of the Lie."
Why would you trust your country to someone that you would not be willing to be alone in a room with your teenage daughter?
What do you call an Ethiopian woman with a yeast infection?....¼ pounder with cheese
If Joseph was black. Mary: I’m pregnant… Joseph: It’s not mine. Mary: That’s what I’m trying to tell you.
"We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand." -- Randy Pausch
16 and pregnant....white girls get their own show......Black girls go on Maury
Lady GaGa was born this way 8======D 