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Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll? A: We don't know. Never happens. 
Lets elect a black pope! Said no Catholic ever.....
USA - 5 CAN - 3 ... Sorry Canada, but we're gonna beat you at your own game.
y do women wear white on there wedding day? so the dishwasher matches the fridge and the stove;)
I'm confused at why people need to be told how to lose weight. Is it really that confusing?? Quit shoving so much food down your throat....the end!!!
I love how, in scary movies, the person yells out, “Hello?” As if the bad guy is gonna be like, “Yeah, I'm in the kitchen! Want a sandwich?”
What does OJ have that every man wants? A Heisman trophy and a dead ex-wife!
How do members of Isis practice safe sex? A. They mark the camels that kick.
Homeless guy in an Obama shirt asked me for change... thought u'd chuckle at that
"The Avengers" is about 7 "heroes" trying to save the planet. A scary woman, a black guy, a rich guy, a fat nut, a patriotic dude, a guy with a god complex, and one who doesn't belong.... sounds like the Republican Primaries.
It sucks being a Jewish kid, at my birthdays instead of playing pin the tail on the donkey we played pin the eviction notice on the black guy's door.
how about you jump from cloud 9 to 1, that way you can see my middle finger better !
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity
If Justin Timberlake can bring sexy back, then I can bring Afros back...."This is Humidity and I approve this message"
Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off...
it's my birthday... I'm going to treat today like a rental car, and drive it like it's stolen!
so broke that she's going to KFC to lick other peoples fingers.
To hell with syncing the Titanic... I named my iPhone "ass" so I could back that ass up.
Dear Wednesday, I sincerley hate you. Your nothing compared to Friday !!
doesn't get why everyone blames the craziness on the "full moon".. the moon is ALWAYS there, you just dont see it all the time 