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Siri, when is Jesus coming back? 
Now showing exclusively in San Francisco, Santa Monica, Chelsea and Key West. 50 shades of g ay.
Just found out I have tinnitus from constant exposure to rape whistles.
If you cant spell Mississippi, you probably live in Mississippi
Reenacting scenes from Platoon with Charlie Sheen...
fat girls are proportionately more angry than skinny girls
Bullying Support Group meeting, tonight at 8. You'd better f*cking be there.
#IfWomenRuledTheWorld the wings on airplanes would flap
Bad: Waking up and finding a pen!s drawn on your face. Worse: Finding out it was traced. EVEN Worse: You were drinking alone !!
My mother texted me "What does IDK, LY,& TTYL means? I answered: I don't know, love u, talk to you later. Mother: Ok I'll ask your sister
face down ass up thats the way i..................................................................................tie my shoes...nasties what were ya thinking?
Long live the Spork!
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
watched a documentary about topiary last night. It was real cutting hedge stuff.
obviously sitting here staring at my computer screen waiting for a notification to suddenly pop up so I can have a moment of excitement.....i need a life!!!
Congrats to Hugh Hefner on your recent engagement. And thank you sir for showing us naked photos of the women you've banged since 1953.
Ask: "Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger?" (No.) Wink.
theres no I in gangbang
Christmas came early!!! Happy EIGHTEENTH Birthday Miley!!!
Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts. 