Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
My wife just complimented me on my Alligator shoes. Problem is....I'm not wearing any shoes. 
So according to CNN and Sky News, 2017 was the 2nd wettest year on record. Personally I blame "Fifty Shades of Grey"
Someone should open a Gym in just the month of January and call it "resolutions"
Understanding women is simple. No means no. Maybe means no. And no means yes
Women have better minds then men because the keep changing their minds.
Back in my day we didn't have pods, we had Dry Powder, and we liked it.
You’re multifaceted like a diamond, or a schizophrenic.
A gambling addiction can cost you your marriage or win you a divorce
I’m really confused as to why Kim & Kanye named their newborn “Chicago West” when Kanye is from the South Side of Chicago.
Having daughters can increase life expectancy for fathers
Let them hate. Just make sure they spell your name right.
I Dream of using this phrase One day "Let's Just Take My Helicopter than"
I’m not above sitting down in the shower crying.
Finally down to my pre-pregnancy/pre-kids weight...well...before my wife had kids I mean.
The Patriots are going to the Super Bowl? Who doesn’t love a good overdog story?
Why is Matthew McConaughey still on my tv in car commercial form? Have we learned nothing from our mistakes?
Girl - "Can I see your phone?" Boy - "Uhm, yeah, a moment, I just have to send a text." <Delete, Delete, Delete, Delete>
If you can't tell the difference between delivery and DiGiorno there's a good chance you've been fooled by a tranny once or twice too
So like, this rancher thought he had 100 cows but when he counted them there were only 98. So he rounded them up.
I ordered and ate a bowl of soup at Red Bowl last night.......it made Miso sick. 