Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
Why are these Occupy Wall Street hippies constantly interrupting perfectly peaceful gatherings of angry police officers? 
I wonder how popular the occupy Poland movement will get? #toosoon?
Don't depend on other people for your happiness. Depend on alcohol instead.
Polygamy is a lot like Monopoly. You can get screwed but you have to wait until it's your turn.
Man Rule #4: Never be the last one on your street to bring the trash bins in.
If the NBA players really were a union they'd start there own league.
People need to stop trending #LMFAO. I've seen obesity statistics, you're not laughing anything off.
If I die before I wake, I pray the lord my browsing history he will clear.
My dog was licking his privates. My friend said "I wish I could do that". I said "You better pet him first, he's kind of mean".
"We... did... start the fire..." - Billy Joel on his deathbed
Congrats on your move out to LA. Now your chances of becoming a big star are only 1:9,575,972,204,712.
REMEMBER:If you burn down your house on Thanksgiving....the Turkey wins
I remmeber last year at christmas my ex girlfriend was so pissed that I gave her mother a mustache trimmer.
An Airline introduced a Special Package for Businessmen; “BUY YOUR TICKET AND GET ONE FREE FOR YOUR WIFE” After a year of great success, the company sent letters to all the wives asking if they enjoyed the free tickets. All of them gave the same reply
Sorry folks, but until I get laid, I'm not thankful for s&!t this year.
Great love makes us capable of great courage. Like getting married & giving someone half your sh*t.
“Thanksgiving dinner price highest in 20 years” PLAN: I'm putting together a list of Thanksgiving invites......stop in say hi, hug everyone, grab a plate and go to next house, cheapest Thanksgiving in 20 years!
God as my witness...I thought Turkeys could fly!!!!
Hello? Mother Nature? Yes I would like to cancel my monthly subscription...Ah, I can't do that before 40 years are up? No I would not like to transfer to the 9 month plan....
we stuff the turkey but in the end the turkey stuffs us 