Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
I like how you do your makeup. Do you use a brush or just dip your face in? 
the people who you babysit for, you should poke holes in all the condoms and ensure yourself at least five more years of babysitting money.
Blows me away how my friends psychic knows my 90 yr old granny has arthritis ...amazing.!!!
WARNING: If you forget Daylight Savings Time ends this weekend, you may come in early and inadvertently make Monday an hour longer.
My favorite thing about senior citizens is their medicine cabinets.
The weekend crowd here is hard to please.
Sometimes it's more important to be human, than to have good taste.
i hate sitting comfortably on the couch and then discocering that my phone is more than an arm's length away. Also more than a leg's length away.
Rihanna "Fell in love in a hopeless place". Must have been in Greece.
Necessity is the mother of invention. The Kama Sutra was created because no one should have to "reach enlightenment" in missionary position.
To understand someone you have to walk a mile in their shoes. That's why men don't understand women, they never learned to walk in heels.
You can't tell me Occupy Wall Street and the McRib's return are a coincidence.
You used to be my reason to smile, now you are my reason to frown.
I just f*cked a girl that stutters. It was great. I finished before she could say "NO!"
I thought a friend said, "you should get a life." I replied "F**k you!" He explained that he actually said, "you should get a WIFE." My reply stayed the same.
This is one of those times FB needs to tag my location as "in the middle of nowhere".
As an ex-construction worker, when I see a "lost" cone on the roadway a little piece of me dies inside.
Can we get some National Guardsmen from the Kent State area to Penn State ASAP?
Roses are Red, Violets are Blue. If he said he's busy tonight, the side chick is you.
My first childhood memory was of a hummingbird dive bombing my stroller to steal the apple juice out of my sippy cup . 