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go into a crowded room, shout, "HOW COULD YOU CHEAT ON ME?" whoever turns around and answers is a bad person. 
I hate it when foreign numbers call my cell asking: "Hi, who is this??" ...You're the one that frickin called, why don't you tell me?
Deny,Deny,Deny..If they aint got pictures,they aint got sh*t!
"You look happy. Let me see what I can do about that" Sincerely your Ex
Steven Tyler singing the national anthem proves he needs a band behind him....he cannot sing.
Kristen Chenoweth, an actress........way better than Steven Tyler, a "singer".
Watching American Idol and I was really hoping that first girl could sing.
Tweeted ten different puns hoping atleast one would get a Retweet. Alas, no pun in ten did
has no problem GETTING it together, I just can't KEEP it together
wondering if the dude who went postal back in the day went through the same crap I'm going through today...
According to never-before published medical research, 97.8% of all relationships end while one or more partners is suffering from PMS. The other 2.2% is g@y men breaking up.
Tragedy strikes Honah Lee, Puff the Magic Dragon was found dead by the sea. Not a good start to the year of the dragon.
After years of being called 'behind the times', I've finally got a trendy haircut. Just check out my profile pic on MySpace, losers! (
I gave this guy a sausage and he traded me a seabird... It was then I realized I had taken a tern for the wurst.
FB is turning to be Bravo TV of the internet- too much drama and cat fights!!
Hey Merriweather, since you're ducking Pacquiao you can fight O.J. now!!! Inmate!
Told my son to break up with his cross-eyed girlfriend, I think she was seeing someone else.
“Get off my balcony!!” — What my neighbor used to say to pigeons. Sometimes to me.
Okay....who's responsible for my "poke" finger smelling funny?
Name a dead game show host best known for kissing every woman who appeared on the show. Survey says? 