Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
Here's a good way to find out if your mission on earth is complete: if your alive, it isn't. 
I grew up with six sisters. That's how I learned to dance - waiting to get into the bathroom.
Sh!t happens. Just flush the toilet and move on...!
Someone stole my wife identity and her credit score went up. Even they couldn't spend that much.
That moment when you get closer and the automatic door hasn't opened yet.
If there is a good chance your son will go to prison as an adult , don't name him Vivian .
Im not fat at all, I just enjoy washing dishes in my belly button
I'm wearing my pants today at half mast....are you??
celebrating MLK day by drinking MILK and eatin' some cookies...
I hate it when feelings get in the way of smart decisions.
IDKFA! <---if you remember what this did then your unstoppable
I hate to admit it, but I've got a serious drinking problem. I don't have any more money to buy liquor.
When the fake-thunder sound effect goes off in the produce section, I know it's time to urinate on the lettuce.
go into a crowded room, shout, "HOW COULD YOU CHEAT ON ME?" whoever turns around and answers is a bad person.
I hate it when foreign numbers call my cell asking: "Hi, who is this??" ...You're the one that frickin called, why don't you tell me?
Deny,Deny,Deny..If they aint got pictures,they aint got sh*t!
"You look happy. Let me see what I can do about that" Sincerely your Ex
Steven Tyler singing the national anthem proves he needs a band behind him....he cannot sing.
Kristen Chenoweth, an actress........way better than Steven Tyler, a "singer".
Watching American Idol and I was really hoping that first girl could sing. 