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Sad 60's Self Realization:Most of the people who used to call you a Space Cowboy, a Gangster of Love, and Maurice now call you a Sad Hippie Has-Been. 
Hi, I'm Troy Mclure. Your reading this in my voice, aren't you?
I blame movies for my high expectations in relationships
What do I say to some poor schmuck who tells me he can out insult me on line? Nothing. I have a hard time talking while laughing hysterically.
Some people don't fall in love; they drown in it.
"Coming to a theatre near you", Blonde Moment: OMG, how do they know where I live?
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are one and the same.
If there is no element of madness, then its not love.
Do what's right to do, not what you're told to do.
A vegan, a cross-fitter, and an atheist walk into a bar. Who does the bartender shoot first?
Ladies, if Josh Duggar says he "loves you like a sister"... RUN!!
We played our sports shirts and skins style in gym class. Whenever it was the guys turn to be shirts the girls won.
National Doughnut Day - My Holey Day
On "Family Feud".... Host: Name something that you can never seem to find the right time to say.... Dad: "You're adopted, Chet!".... *The WHOLE Family claps,, except Chet*
I wrote "except zombies" on my welcome mat so I know I'll be safe during a zombie apocalypse.
When I was your age, I had to walk 5 feet from the coutch to the TV, on fluffy orange carpet, without texting, both ways.
To save money, instead of going out to clubs, I just get drunk at home and yell "What?!?!?!" into a mirror over and over.
I injured my hip which is why I have thrust issues.
Cheer up LeBron. You did win the MVP after all. Most Visible Privates
When I die people are going to be like "wait... I thought he already died like a decade ago?" 