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Just saw a guy driving a beat up car with a bumper sticker that said "My other car is a Porsche ." Why isn't he driving that other car then? 
Things I love like a fat kid loves cake - 1. titties 2. cake.
Since I don't know how to draw I decided to be an artist
I hate to sound racist, but all Oriental rugs look the same to me.
You may think there is a lot wrong with you, but there is also a lot right with you
The bigger the EXPECTATION, the bigger the HEARTBREAK!
thinking about creating a whole new crime. I'm gonna start a counterfeit prostitution ring. I see a lot of money and no jail time coming my way.
They call her “SWITCH” because anyone can turn her on.
so east coast wasnt suppose to get a slip in the fault for another few hundred years.. the world is coming to an end now. earthquakes=funtimes
Why can't Chinese couples have caucasian babies? Because two Wongs don't make a White!
Writing is like prostitution. First you do it for love, and then for a few close friends, and then for money.
has a bad case of SRH!!! (Sperm retention headache)
Before you go in and fight for something, just make sure its worth the effort and time.
long distance works is something High School Seniors made up to get laid before they go to college
for your information, I only had 1 winekiller captain buzzcooler!
UPDATE: As Hurricane Irene prepares to batter the East Coast, federal disaster officials have warned that Internet outages could force people to interact with other people for the first time in years.remember an interaction is just like a series of fb upd
One of my first jobs job was at an orange juice factory, but I got canned. I couldn't concentrate.
Disappointed that Lady Gaga did not show up this year at the VMA's, I was really looking forward to my Grand Slam.
So Lady Gaga, goes to the VMA's as alter ego Jo Calderon. I guess the thought of her being a Denny's menu item was not manly enough...!
asks..what's the difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted. 