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We have a game show called Survivor in America....you can win 1 million dollars for doing something for 2 weeks that most people on this planet call "life"!! It simply amazes me how spoiled, ungrateful and lazy we are!! 
In this bright future you can't forget your past. - Bob Marley, RIP
A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, 'At my age, I don't even buy green bananas
sells toilet paper for a living.... When the world poops he eats.
Cicadas, Crafty LiL critters... I swear they play dead then when you turn away they fix those beady red eyes on your back and can fly just enough to land in your hair! Oh, and they have a death grip, 150 mph blower and they laugh...laugh I tell you!
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
just gonna park my car at the pump until payday...
No... I'm not lazy... I'm just resting up for my 30's... (I got a lot planned)
Height of tension:Obama updated his status on Facebook "Osama is dead."Justice has been done,after a few minutes Obama gets a notification "Osama has liked your status ".
To the makers of fruitroll-ups: when I enjoy your deliciousness, I mess up the touchscreen on my smartphone. Work on that please...
i thought it was going to take us a couple of days to take down libya! what happened?
I press Like or Dislike exclusively to make it an even number
Well, at least we'll get to see the new "Pirates of the Caribbean" movie before the Rapture. Woulda been a shame to miss that one.
thinking this whole rapture thing is going to create jobs.... And both democrats and republicans are going to try and take credit.
Well Brittney you have two days left of dancing until the world ends...
If nothing happens tomorrow, I'm still bashing heads!
In memory of matcho man R.S. and in preparation for the Rapture, I'm going to buy enough slim jims to snap in to for the next five months
Anyone get the feeling that it is going to take an act of God to change anything around here?
Horse walks into a pub: Bartender: "Why the long face?" Horse: "They wouldn't let me on the f-kin train."
You've been H.A.D ... HAPPY APOCALYPSE DAY . 