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having you ever eaten an apple with a worm in it? well buy an iphone and you will feel like that. 
If first you don't succeed, try try a GUN.
The hospitals are running low on plasma and need donations. Aren't those pretty expensive TVs for a hospital's budget?
Why does the Pope mobile have bulletproof glass? If the Pope is afraid to die, what chance does anyone else have!
Just got scammed out of $25.00, Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes. " Turns out it's about golf. Absolute waste of money. Pass this on so others don't get scammed. Best Regards, Charlie Sheen
If you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught
If the Easter Bunny leaves you Jelly Beans, don't eat the brown ones.
People say best friends are hard to find. That's because the best one's already mine.
I do more drinking before 9:00 am than most people do all day.
Every time I bite the ears off of a chocolate bunny only to find out it's hollow, I feel ripped off.
Just sprayed Febreeze's "Brazilian Carnival" air freshener... So far, no party... Guess I'll just sit here and wait on my wax.
says: Be quiet in the classroom, respect the fact that others sleep! My gosh, seriously!
Todays Thing To Do: Make a To-Do list.
Hubert J. Schlafly Jr., inventer of the teleprompter has died....President Obama said to be speechless...
Well behaved Women rarely make History
the best part of sunny days is not having to read about everyone complaining about the weather
If you ever cause me to go to jail, I will slap the soap out of your hands...
non-stop coverage of the royal wedding in the US! The news acts like we are a former English colony or something...
Hey, hustler on the corner... you know what drug I would buy from you? Claritin-D 24... but you never have any.
Ukrainian Mail-Order Brides is the way to go 