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today has been so boring and uneventful, there must be a twist ending in the works. Like one of my co-workers will be revealed as a cyborg, or someone will get eaten by a bear. 
I love spring but I'm not too keen on the pollen that comes along with it. Sneeze, sniff, sneeze, ...... I buy enough sudafed where the feds have me on their Meth lab watch list...... :D You think they would park their van a little bit farther down ...
There's a fine line between OBLIVION and PLAIN STUPIDITY.
some people have a way with words other people have not way.
A womans legs are her best friends but sometimes even the best of friends must part.
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny for your thoughts" who get's the other penny......taxes
believe it or not, there's people out there that actually liked "Grease 2"
When my kids become wild and unruly I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.
My right hand just fell asleep but I'm not really in the mood
MONEY can't buy life, but can give you a lot of fake friends. Beware!
Somewhere in America, a guy at a CVS wisely and at the last minute, puts back the loofah
To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world...
I know this is bad taste... But do you think this means we'll be seeing an increase in Japanese Superheroes?...
If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea, does that mean one of them enjoys it?
I hope, when they die, cartoon characters have to answer for their sins.
Southwest Airlines is like a woman's period: it hurts your back and it's usually late.
For her birthday she told me to get her something she could use, She must not of liked the Summers Eve, I havent heard from her in days
A man goes to the Doctors with an hearing problem. Dr. says "Can you describe the symptoms" - "Yea sure, Homer is fat and drinks beer and Marge has blue hair!"
What's the big deal about the Southwest Airlines planes and a fuselage tear? I love a convertible.
the one thing that annoys me about Disney films is that inanimate objects don't break out into song and dance nowhere near as much as they do in the films and when they do no one else is around to see. 