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just shaved my facebook 
you can t make sense out of nonsense!
I'm so starved for entertainment I'm thinking about putting a rubber band around my own kitchen sink sprayer....
looking for CHANGE? Vote Zuckerberg for president!
I do not like this Sam I Am. I do not like this Facebook scam. I do not like the new news feed. I do not like it, no indeed. I do not like your top news trends, instead of recent news from friends. It was just fine, but now it's weird, so let me make myse
A wife is somebody who won't tell you what to do but will get mad when you don't do what she wanted you to do.
Let us cultivate love and compassion, both of which give life true meaning, just like beer and bacon...
You know what I really hate? When I miss someones call by a few minutes and when I call back they don't answer
silence produce the best answer to a stupid question..
some people walk into you life and leave footprints on your heart, others make you want to leave footprints on their faces.
When I turn 69...(please feel free to finish this one)
I am currently taking donations to help keep Facebook free. Your donation will go to my legal team which will do everything in their power to ensure we don't way pay anything in the future. I am also looking at getting one of those TVs with the internet h
There's a difference between "wanting" and "needing" something.
Clingy ex's are like toilet handles.Occasionally we have to flush many times to get some pieces of krap to just go away.
the fail moment when you are checking out a girl and he turns around
I feel sorry for the adjective "flaccid" for it will forever be associated with that one thing...
I wish I could have an out of body experience... especially when it's time to go to work.
Why do Mexicans wear "sombreros?" Where else would they put their tacos while stealing your hub caps?
she said I don't give my number to strangers and I'm like we have been facebook friends for like 1 week already..lol
When I die, I just want my tombstone to read “George Clooney.” That ought to pull in some visitors. 