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might not be the sharpest marble in the crayon box 
An optimist is a person who sees a green light everywhere. The pessimist sees only the red light. But the truly wise person is color blind.
I just don't understand England's performance. Surely John Terry hasn't had time to sleep with all their wives?
heard that Elin is filing for divorce. In the filing, the reason listed was "irreconcilable waitresses".
believes people are all the same, we only get judged by what we do.
got an idea--an idea so smart that my head would explode if I even began to know what I'm talking about
Time is money. If you want to save on one it will cost more of the other!
just decided to fire her personal trainer. It wasn't working out.
in a relationship with Bud Light and her liver is in a relationship with Jager Bomb, which gets complicated when we all hang out together!
wondering..uhh...if Wonder Woman's plane was invisible... how the $%@! did she find it?
Cam Newton's winning the Heisman surprised no one - especially Julian Assange, who knew about it a month ago.
"When they're not fighting or racing light cycles, I'll bet the citizens of TRON spend a lot of time on the phone with tech support" -Conan OBrien
My TV remote control is kicking my butt at hide and seek
wondering why villians just don't shoot Batman in the chin?
Have to show ID at the Pharmacy to by 6 dollars of OTC cold medicine but I can go to the ABC store and buy a truckload of booze and they won't even card me. Wait a minute, does that mean I'm old. . .... . .
Change is inevitable,except from vending machines.
the best things in life...involve rum!
Sometimes I think the world would be much better without so much technology. ~ Sent from my iPhone.
When I flush spiders down the toilet, I'm not trying to be mean, I'm simply letting them experience their own private Raging Waters.
Chills and they're multiplying 