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Judging by the gold teeth in this Footlocker employees mouth, either he has a side job or Footlocker has phenomenal detal benefits. 
I very rarely piss people off but when I do it's usually loud and spectacular
Nothing ruins a Hump Day like not getting Humped!
if we couldn't laugh we would al go insane...
The most realistic part of Avengers: Age of Ultron was Ultron deciding the human race must be destroyed after spending a few hours on the Internet.
If you've every seen someone try to put an old dollar bill into a vending machine, then you've pretty much seen my sex tape.
I'm beginning to feel jealous of you and your pics with your dads...I don't get to see mine til tomorrow when he delivers the milk
Crazy how the Pointer Sisters say they're JUST burning doing the Neutron Dance like it's not a huge deal to catch fire from dancing
It takes Axl Rose approximately 12 minutes to sing 2 verses of "Head, Shoulders, na-na-na-na-na-na-Knees and Toes."
Always be yourself. Even if you have to fake it.
By the power vested in me... I now pronounce me going to sleep
*Caterpillar marriage therapy... Wife: he's not the man I married...Husband flying around room: I'm the same on the inside Susan !!!
Seen a pregnant woman with 4 kids just letting them run wild in Walmart. She said "Can you believe my baby is 5 days past due?"...I said "Yeah, he was probably warned by your other kids."......And that's when the fight started....
Lazy is as lazy doesn't.
There's a million fish in the sea,,, but I haven't lowered my standards just yet to date fish.
Sure sex is great but have you ever stared at your phone all day?
If you don't think size matters, I'm giving you the smallest coffee mug.
Underwear need pockets. If you want to walk around without pants, where are you supposed to put your phone?
Sometimes I think I got away with all the alcohol I've drank...but then I drool mid thought and realize...nope.
To the old age you've learnt anything through knowledge and experience; the problem is you remember none of them. 