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I wonder if Samuel L. Jackson reads his lines in all CAPS. 
You see that box with the fb pictures by the top right corner? The day I see any of my friends pictures in it, I'm screwed.
I have to put my belt on with a boomerang.
My life is like watching The 3 Stooges in spanish
wears my glasses to the liquor store in an effort to appear responsible
Surprised someone hasn't capitalized on a workout video for these sign holders.
I don't like bragging, hipsters, but wearing ugly clothes that don't fit was my thing in 3rd grade. Also dumb glasses and bad music.
my smart phone is the dumbest in its class!
A secret is something you tell to one person at a time.
When you've tried everything within your power and ability, sometimes the only thing left is to say good-bye.
Ladies you should start a revolution like the bra burnings in the 60's only I say pantie burnings this time around.
On this day, 25 years ago, Geraldo Rivera opened Al Capone's vault. WTF is he still working?
going to make sure he is wearing clean underwear for the rapture.
Promises are like babies: fun to make, but hell to deliver.
Anybody got a recepie for cicadas?
I was going to say whats on my mind but @Kanye West showed up and took away the keyboard! What a jackass...
Something couples do together that causes breakups is called Home Improvement
It's not how you pick your nose, it's where you put that booger that counts
I have the nose hair of a much older, more powerful man.
I personally do not like to drive in the rain but the kid in me LOVES(♥'s) to drive over the rain puddles =] 