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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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Who is the genius that decided Little League uniforms be white? My guess is Tide laundry detergent.
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01-11-2017 14:21 by
Mickey
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Something I have in common with Mariah Carey- I don't know the words to her songs either.
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01-13-2017 08:42
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Not ALL politicians are liars. Some of them actually believe the stupid crap they say...
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01-27-2017 09:41
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sleep with my grandad's WWII bayonet under my pillow. You never know when someone might break in and start filming Antiques Road Show.
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02-15-2017 02:03
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When preparing a PowerPoint presentation for a big meeting, it is important to keep things simple enough that even a manager can understand it.
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02-16-2017 10:47
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I'm terrified when I hear something was made with "secret sauce."
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10-03-2011 17:37
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I don't understand how God can have Ten Commandments for the whole world, and my wife can have 152 just for our house.
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05-10-2016 22:05
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Have my doubts about this "smart water," considering how easily it's captured and bottled.
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05-10-2016 22:06
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Late Night Ponderings: I always wonder what the nurses reaction would be like after I leave a half eaten sandwich in a coma patients hand.
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05-28-2016 01:04
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Don't worry about buying happiness. Try renting or leasing it to see if it's what you really want.
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03-17-2013 17:08
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Discovery Channel - Conspiracies and Myths "Finding The Tooth Fairy" is on...... I hope they find her, she owes me money.
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09-15-2010 15:39 by
TD
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Supermoon was OK... But according to Rotten Tomatoes, still way better than Supermoon v Batmoon.
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11-14-2016 20:00 by
snotty
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What if Ghosts try to kill you only because they want you as a friend? You ever think about that? No. You only think about yourself.
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11-26-2016 03:14
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I'll be home for Christmas.....and in therapy by New Years.
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12-08-2016 09:12
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Things Irish people simply won't do on St. Patrick's Day: 1) Drink green beer. 2) Twerk with leprechauns. 3) Spend $40 on dollar store stuff.
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03-14-2017 04:57
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So proud of myself for being healthy & buying vegetables that are just gonna sit at the bottom of my fridge until they go bad.
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04-17-2018 13:16
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"I stubbed my toe today. I'm not ready to share photos yet but I will keep you guys updated daily." - probably Carrie Underwood
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04-23-2018 01:03
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It’s hard to keep loving someone who constantly calls the cops and keeps changing her number but here I am.
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05-06-2018 01:35
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You know you've reached adulthood when your bed is in the middle of the wall instead of in the corner.
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05-19-2018 08:18
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Thanks to whoever made electrical outlets look like tiny screaming faces trapped inside my walls I can't make eye contact.
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05-22-2018 07:56 by
@jasonlastname
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