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I'm at that age and wisdom where I no longer get up to investigate strange noises. Nope! I've seen that movie. 
Scotland's in the middle of a couple's breakup and trying to figure out who they're still supposed to be friends with.
I really don't think it's right to support hate, violence and murder just because it suits your agenda.
Assuming one is against the police when they're against police brutality is like assuming one is anti-parent when they're against child abuse.
Skip the next 20 pages, nothing worth stealing.
For some reason the "Samsung Galaxy Note 7" has become the preferred phone of terrorists.
I was wearing glasses before it was a Snapchat filter...I'm a trendsetter
Much as I like Guardians of the Galaxy, in real life, I don't think it's a good idea to give a gun to a raccoon.
'Flashdance' gave me unrealistic expectations about how hot welders would be
I'm a proud member of the Exaggerators Club. Membership 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 and growing.
Auto-correct makes me say things I didn't Nintendo.
Telling someone they shouldn't be sad because others have it worse is like telling someone they shouldn't be happy because others have it better.
The Wizard of Oz is 78 years old. Today, if Dorothy were to encounter men with no brains, no hearts, and no courage she wouldn't be in Oz. She'd be in Congress.
My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
I learned all my dance moves from the paternity test episodes on Maury Povich.
I walked into a room where men were wearing capes, expecting great things. Then I see that it is a barbershop.
Blessed are they who can just read it and move on.
In a world where you can do anything, do it over there.
And remember kids...it's on Facebook so it must be true!
How do you tell someone you love them without them making it weird that you're under their bed 