srpdrzman Funny Status Messages

   Two year olds today can unlock an iphone, open and close apps all by themselves... When I was that age, I was eating dirt

   In The News: Supreme leader Comrade Kim Jong-un,. Reprimands: Jang Song Thaek, vice chairman of North Korea's highest decision-making body... "When I said to Nuke the Chinese, I meant for you to put the Kung Pao Chicken in the microwave".

   The suicide vest bombing instructor at the Al Qaeda School of Martyrdom advised his students too "pay close attention because I'm only going to show you this once".

   I don't get a sore throat often, but when I do I swallow every few minutes to check to see if it still hurts.

   If I ever have to have a steel plate in my head,. I'm gonna start me an awsome magnet collection.

   My son weed whacked the yard without being asked... Impressed yes!! He broke out in a sweat the last time it was his turn to change the toilet paper roll.

   Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it

   My Valentine is just like my pinkie toe; eventually I'm gonna bang it on all the furniture in this house...

   Drfinition of 'vitamin'; What you do when a friend comes to your door.

   Had a good scare tonight, thought I was experiencing tunnel vision,. Until I looked in the rear view mirror and I realized was wearing my hoodie... "whew"

   Seen a couple jogging this morning, he had on black leotards and a black hoodie, not far behind she had white leotards and a white hoodie,. I couldn't help but grine reminded of the old comic strip spy vs spy

   overheard at walmart ; customer service needed in the sporting goods, we have a customer by the balls.

   I told my wife she looked good in that dress that she would either attract attention from a man or a hungry infant.

   As Anti-Wall Street protests spread outside the New York Stock Exchange over the corporate greed in America, pitchforks were up by 8 3/4 and torches by 7 1/2 points

   In my day a mouse pad was a place rodents lived, a cursor was someone you avoided, and if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy you sure never told anyone.

   Here at Kotex Tampons were not claiming to be number one, were certainly not number two,. But when it come"s to Tampons were right up in there...

   7-11, mini-mart, and several gas stations will be closed due to a death in the family...

   ‎7-eleven, mini-marts, and several gas stations will be closed this week due to a death in the family...

   the war on terror will never be won... because they hate us more than they love their children.

   The people of England paid a heavenly price for the wedding of Cap'n Crunch ,. and didnt even get a lousy t-shirt...