paulb808 Funny Status Messages

   yesterday my five year old Hawaiian son used the word taint and I asked him where he heard that word and he replied "Walmart"

   Penn State University.......Pedophile U

   ok....am I the only one that sings "Come on Irene" laughs then knows I shouldnt?

   This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being

   "Hey Dog the Bounty Hunter!" F#CK YOU!" Sincerely Waldo

   Every 7-eleven needs a task force NOT named Punjab, Aadarsh, Aachman, Aadesh ,Aadi ,Aadidev ,Aafreen ,Aaka ,Aandaleeb to keep the slurpee machine running because this sh*t is UNACCEPTABLE.

   I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

   A baseball fan is a spectator sitting 500 feet from home plate who can see better than an umpire standing five feet away

   Don't be a BEN brother, should have been, would have been, could have been, or might have been

   If you're wearing sweat pants either you just worked out or you've never worked out.

   Women spend 2% of their lives trying to figure out where bruises on their legs came from

   I dont see why facebook feels the need to notify me everyday that some of you have changed your profile picture. Unless your naked...I dont give a sh%t

   and three hundred of his friends DIDNT change their profile picture

   anyone want my old toaster oven? It's pretty snazzy…has the pattern of a loaf of Wonder Bread stained on the top of it….they're all the rage ya know…be the first of your friends to own one…at the low…low price of——-> FREE!”

   Stop trying so hard. He doesn't like you, don't kiss an a$$ if it's in the process of $hitting on you

   Humans will die out. We're weak. Dinosaurs survived on rotten flesh. You got diarrhea last week from a Wendy's

   Don't focus on the one guy who hates you. You don't go to the park and set your picnic down next to the only pile of dog s##t

   I remember the day like it was yesterday when I realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights

   Don't ask for my opinion then. I said congrats on the car, just saying nobody's panties are getting wet from a Honda Accord

   I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn