manbearpig Funny Status Messages

   So Mark Zuckerberg just bought Instagram for $1billion? Why didn't he just go to the App Store and download it for 99c?

   Hollywood are already planning a movie about the life of Elizabeth Taylor. It's provisionally titled 'Eight Weddings and a Funeral'.

   Lady Gaga says she takes her fashion inspiration from Princess Diana. It's just a shame it's not from how she looked before the crash.

   It's been exactly a year since I quit drinking. And 364 days since I started again.

   What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? Virgin Mobile.

   A man walks into a library and says, "I hope you don't have a book on reverse psychology".

   "Someone's been eating my porridge!", said Father bear. Mother bear sighed and poured him another bowl. Life was tough and draining for her, now that her husband was suffering from Alzheimer's.

   My uncle was diagnosed with terminal cancer last month, but all my Facebook friends changed their status' for an hour and now he's going to live a long and fruitful life.

   Has anyone Sheen my drugs?

   For Halloween, I'm going to wear a Pacman suit and chase all the Muslim women in burqas around the town centre.

   is thinking of auditioning for The X-Factor next year. Do I go with the dead relative story, or should I just rock up in a wheelchair?

   thinks it would be hysterical if Brad and Angelina's daughter, Shiloh Pitt, turned out to be dyslexic.

   My doctor asked me if I drank to excess. I told him I would drink to anything.

   Did I already post my Alzheimer's joke?

   People keep telling me the right man will come along. I think mine got hit by a truck.

   just stole this status from someone who stole it from someone else.

   blocked you from my news feed. I don't care how many mobsters you've iced, that you found a pink sheep on your farm, or that you've redecorated your virtual apartment.

   ~ A man went to see a psychiatrist, wearing only Gladwrap shorts. The shrink said, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts".

   went into a library dressed as a German classical composer and asked for a book on Austrian actors. The librarian said, "Aisle B, Bach".

   walked down a street where the houses were numbered 64k, 128k, 256k, 512k and 1mb. That was a trip down memory lane.