chronic Iam Funny Status Messages

   i realized I was getting old today when I discovered my first grey pubic hair."Dont worry, I wasnt as freeked out as the rest of the people in the elivator", I got over it...

   Shot my first turkey yesterday. . scared the $hit out of everyone in the frozen food section... It was awsome!!!

   A teacher in a detriot kindergarden class asked the kids what sound does a pig make? Little Tyrone stood up and yelled FREEZE MUTHAF**KA

   y do women wear white on there wedding day? so the dishwasher matches the fridge and the stove;)

   Dont steal, the government doesnt like competition

   Drugs have taught an entire generation of canadian kids the metric system!

   a man walks up to his wife with a sheep under his arm, and says.. this is the pig I sleep with when you have a headach... confused, the wife says... thats not a pig under your arm?? I wasnt talking to u, replys the man

   Michael jackson hasnt been this stiff since Mucully Culkin spent the night at Neverland ranch..

   If I flip this coin, what are my chances of getting head

   not all women are annoying,,, some are dead

   How did they know kurt cobain had dandruff... they found his head and shoulders on the floor;)

   "This dog,is dog,a dog,good dog,way dog,to dog,keep dog,an dog,idiot dog,busy dog,for dog,20 dog,seconds dog," Now read without the word (dog)

   How can you tell a woman is having a bad day?? she has a tampon behind her ear and cant find her cigarette

   i use to have a coke problem........ now its just pepsi

   I want 2 die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather!! Not screaming in terror like his passengers!:)

   CHAOS, PANIC & DISORDER... MY WORK HERE IS DONE...

   has a big clock

   I believe theirs more than one way to skin a cat!!! but the cat wont like any one of them

   when I was born, they asked me if I wanted a long memory or a long penis.. I FORGET MY RESPONSE

   Why get married and make one woman miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?