anonymous Funny Status Messages

   why did the chicken cross the road? because it went to the chicken

   Martial law is coming. Fight for your freedom. Fight for the right to live. Stop the New World Order.

   going to the dark side they have cookies

   what? sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of me not giving a f***.

   It's bad enough that my dog picked one of the most congested streets to take a sh*t, but he had to do it in the middle of the sidewalk while people stared. Psh, puppies.

   I have to admit, I am a Creationist- I believe God was created by man.

   Does anyone find themselves singing hollaback girl anytime they need to spell the word bananas?

   For Sale: 24 pedigree pigeons, call 0161 123 1234 and ask for Tyrone......

   wondering what they are saying behind my back

   M.I.L.F. Man, I Love Funyuns!

   Sometimes I go down to the Home Depot and pick up day laborers in my truck just to have people to drink with. Hop in, amigos. It's Miller time.

   If I found out I was going to be burned at the stake, I think I'd fill all my pockets with popcorn kernels

   Viagra has instructions, keep away from children - what kind of man do you think I am?

   I throw a dart at my wall calendar to decide what day it is. Thanks to my bad aim, today is Window.

   This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it. ..... happy thursday everyone

   text from a female: "Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless."

   Tough decisions... Beat off in the shower and waste water or use Kleenex and add to landfill? What can I say? I love Mother Earth and big titties.

   lying in my lovers arms...ahhh my arms are soo soft

   As I'm getting older I've noticed my memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used

   guesses Chris Brown sure taught Rihanna how to breathe with "no air"