StonerDudee Funny Status Messages

   When your shirt isn't tucked into your pants, your pants are tucked into your shirt. Think about it.

   A secret handshake will get you into the "Beyond" section of Bed Bath & Beyond. Includes videogames, beer & lightsabers. Ask for Steve.

   This bar doesn't know it yet, but it's about to be karaoke night.

   iPhone covers are like condoms. You don't want to, but you kind of have to...

   I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know.

   I just saved a bunch of fu<ks by not giving any.

   Autocorrect is changing correctly spelled words. I'm starting to think it has a mind of its AUTOCORRECT IS HARMLESS. GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.

   Sorry I kept stopping erratically. I was pumping FU<K YOU in Morse Code with my brake lights.

   My ex said she left me because of my short attention span. Unbeknownst to her I actually...damn. Thats a cool ass word right? Unbeknownst..

   sitting here laughing while putting marijuana seeds in a bird feeder

   I've just invented an invisibility cloak; anything under it is rendered completely invisible. I'm still working out the kinks; you can still see the cloak itself

   It's almost 2015, why don't we have hoverboards yet?" he typed into a pocket-sized device that can do everything.

   At Starbucks I order under the name Dad. Then leave.

   I'm going to start responding to videos people post of their babies on Facebook with videos of me getting nine hours of sleep

   Note to self: If you come home after work and your wife greets you saying she got a massive pay raise from her boss at work, remember to not kiss her on the lips.

   I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control, and I thought to myself. "Well this changes everything"

   Getting married at 22 sounds alot like leaving the party at 9:30

   If you feel like you've done nothing in life remember that some trees take 20 years to grow only to become notebooks with Justin Bieber on them.

   Love Coco Puffs. Hate Popo Cuffs.

   Words I'm incorporating into my vernacular: Vernacular, Incorporating